the fool on the hill

I HATE feeling inadequete. And even more than that I HATE that I let myself hate that. 

But I do. 

And then I compare myself to everyone and everything. 

And actually sometimes I’m better- yet I feel inadequate still, and that doesn’t even make sense. 

I hate feeling like I have to compete with the world, and all these bitches from high-school- and somehow I should be better than them, or they should be better than me, we both just can’t be our best and we both appreciate eachother. No someone has always got to be better. And I HATE that, I hate hate hate that mentality. Yet its there. 

Even more so I want Sam back so bad, but at the same time I absolutely don’t want him at all. I just get soooo fucking disgusted everytime that 15 year old pops into my head. And I hate how its not fucking discreet- everyone knows he did it. So it’s not just me who would have to get over with it and feel embarrassed about it, it would be everyone! 

It’s so weird- I honestly don’t give a fuck what people think about me. But I HATE being judged. Like fuck off people, don’t stand there all high and mighty looking down on me. Judge yourself, not me. 

I can honestly say, I rarely very rudely judge people. I try not to best as possible, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they cut me off - cause they’re in a hurry. Maybe she wears so much make-up because she’s terribly insecure, and didn’t have a mom or anyone to teach her how to put it on, you know. 

ugh. Anyways. 

ps Frans back- she sort of already started to annoy me though. She just fucking lectures and lectures about Sam- and I really don’t want to hear it. Don’t tell me we brought out the worst in eachother- because we didn’t and that’s fucking rude - just straight up rude. ugh anyways

okay it’s just a pub,

and evidently you’re still in edmonton. 

That’s cool. Last day I hope.

come homeeeeeeeee 

so you’re drinking with your female friend.

Okay. I can deal with that.

She see’s your tumblr- she must wonder whats up with all the lost love posts?

I wonder what she tells you. 

ugh

I’m so jealous right now